October 5th, 2014
Wilder is 49 weeks old.
There are people that I have encountered in my life that I want to help. I don’t know if part of me seeks out this type of relationship because it satisfies me on some level to feel like I am a savior, or because I am just a glutton for punishment. Either way I often find myself in the predicament where I want to “fix” someone I love by taking away their pain or suffering, whether it is physical or emotional. One of the beautiful things that has developed since the birth of our son has been that I invest so much less of my time and energy into these futile exercises. I’m not saying that I don’t still deeply care about the people in my life, nor do I turn a blind eye when they ask for help, but I have become guarded about recklessly dolling out emotional support. As the catch phrase goes – “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” It is utterly exhausting to attempt to help someone who has no interest in helping themselves.
That being said, I have continued my quest for a healthier self. I have been sticking to a more structured schedule which has allowed me to make it to the gym more frequently (which is so important to my mental health) and I have become more aware of the foods I am choosing. It is often hard to make the best nutritional choices when I feel like I am always in a rush. The good thing is that we don’t really buy what I would consider “shitty” food – not many processed items, and we never eat any type of fast food. I worry about Wilder’s eating habits and don’t want to set him up for failure by feeding him crap. He loves vegetables and eats a wide variety of new things. His new trick, which he discovered this past Tuesday, is feeding the dogs from his highchair. He holds food out to get their attention, then drops it and giggles. Sometimes he will hand feed Kara, who has asserted herself as his dog. It’s hard not to laugh at his antics.
Wilder is at an adorable age. It is very exciting to spend time with him in a way that is very dynamic. He is truly like a little sponge, soaking up the world and all its experiences. Andy was bringing me to work one morning this week and we passed Lee getting Wilder out of the car at Saint Coffee. Part of me felt so sullen, feeling frustrated that I had to go into work instead of being able to spend the day with them. I am extremely grateful for my current job, but part of me still wishes that it wasn’t a 40+ hour a week gig. I completely understand the old adage; there are not enough hours in the day. Andy has been under a lot of stress with the opening of Voodoo Lounge. He often falls ill when he extremely stressed and that was the case this past week. He was very sick and confined to his bed for nearly 24 hours. Wilder and I hung out and had a fun time, but he missed Andy cuddling with him. Thankfully the illness only lasted about two days and then things were back to normal. I truly hope that in the future we are in different financial situation so that monetary issues don’t hold such sway over our lives.
Wilder began making a new sound this week. He has been babbling along and does this thing with his right hand, almost like a preacher at a pulpit. But the new sound is a high pitched whine that he makes when he wants water. At first I thought it was really cute but soon it became likened to that sound in Dumb and Dumber and much less entertaining. Regardless, I am glad to see his communication skills expanding. I look forward to a time when he can talk. We read books together every night and he has definitely become more interested in them, actually staying still to listen to what I am reading. Those moments with him on my lap with a book are some of my most precious.
I love having Fridays and Saturdays off because having a week day off means that I can get a lot of 9 to 5 business errands taken care of. What I don’t like about it is that Andy is remarkable busy on these two days so we have very little time together. While I try very hard to be reasonable and understand that our schedules are even more hectic than normal because of the bar situation, I still find my frustration getting the best of me at times. I say it all the time, and I really mean it, I am grateful that Andy is so opposite of me in his reaction to things. I am the hot-headed aggressive one and he is the indifferent passive one. A match made in heaven? Only time continues to tell. Because Andy had to go to work, Wilder and I took a ride to visit my cousin Lisa who is expecting her first child. I like to bring Wilder around so she can see just what she is in for. We had a fun visit, although the unemployment of her child’s father has me a bit uneasy. Lisa is significantly younger than me, and a resilient girl. She actually reminds me a lot of myself. I wish her the absolute best in her relationship but having gone through nearly a whole year of being a parent, I can attest to the struggles and difficulty that no words can really prepare you for. I know whatever happens, she’ll make it through.
Wilder developed some red dots on him that were rather startling. Of course I did what no parent should ever do – I consulted google image. That resulted in an immediate appointment with the pediatrician who was nice enough to see Wilder on a Saturday. Andy took him to the doctor because I had fallen very ill late Thursday night. Dr. Capone asserted that they were most probably flea bites. Nothing too serious. Lee and Clint made sure their cats were up to date on their flea meds and the problem took care of itself. I, on the other hand, was having a rough time. I had woken on Thursday night feeling very sick to my stomach. I made it to the second floor bathroom and noticed that I was pale as a ghost. I tried to get back upstairs but fainted in the hall, luckily I had called out to Andy so he found me and helped me come around. I crawled back up my stairs and got into bed. I didn’t get out of bed nearly all day Saturday and Sunday. The control freak in me absolutely hates being sick but I had no choice but to take it easy. I did however clean the entire house. Puke bucket not far from reach.
I made an appointment on Sunday to get Wilder’s hair trimmed by his Aunt Jo. I figured it would be nice to get his little bangs trimmed at the very least. I coordinated with both Andy and then Lee to make sure the time would work. Just as I felt everything had been scheduled properly, Andy confessed that he didn’t want to take him in for a haircut. He got very emotional about it. I found it to be incredibly sweet. Needless to say Aunt Jo got a visit the next day but no hairs were trimmed.