February 9th 2014
Wilder is fifteen weeks old.
We made some big progress this week. Wilder has slept in his nursery since coming home from the hospital but that has always included spending a good portion of the night sleeping in the arms of someone who is resting in the recliner in his room. I figured this was a better option than having him sleep in my bed with me, because I already share my bed with a pit bull and have no desire to have another human sleeping in it. The recliner has been used by a rotating cast of dear friends these last two weeks while the boys have been out of town. This past Monday, Dawn, Andy’s sister made the bold move of brining Wilder’s monkey sleep-and-play rocker up to his nursery. We usually keep it in the living room because he naps in it during the day. Apparently he was able to sleep in the rocker without being held, nearly the whole night (except for one feeding) which has never happened. Dawn left the next day on Tuesday, but we are hopeful to move forward with this new sleeping situation.
Jo came by on Tuesday as Dawn was leaving in order to watch Wilder until I got home from work. When I got home I found them cuddled on the couch together. She had trimmed his nails and spoiled him all day with snuggles and attention. It has been great to see more of my close friends interacting with Wilder in the absence of Andy and Lee Kyle. Their respective trips made it necessary for me to contact others for help, and in the process I have been able to catch up with many of my good friends. I feel very fortunate to have the support system that I have procured over these years. I wasn’t always a great friend, and I have acknowledged many of my short-comings, so now I really do strive to be someone who others know they can depend on.
Cathy has been a life-saver these past few weeks and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her. She has such an absolute love for Wilder that I am sure she will be a huge part of his entire life. I depended on her a lot at the beginning of this past week before Lee returned because work was a nightmare. Tuesday was so awful that I was offered a valium from one of my co-workers which I rapidly took. As we are getting closer to our impending deadline, tensions are high. To make matters worse, on this particular day the team-lead decided to make what she thought was a simplistic change to the project that actually set us back several days. I try not to let work affect me for the most part, but some days I want to smash out an office window with my shitty-ass rolly chair and scream “FUCK THIS SHIT!” from our high-rise office. Valium: 1 Unemployment: 0
Lee Kyle returned home this past Tuesday and while I was grateful for him to be home we got off to a rough start. Misty had come by that night with a delicious meal which was enjoyed by myself, Cathy, Lee Kyle, Clint and Cody. I was already stressed before anyone had arrived as days upon days of working, taking care of the dogs and spending less time with Wilder than usual had worn me thin. I was feeling ugly, unaccomplished and envious, which obviously didn’t sit well with my ego. I found myself struggling with my envy over the travel and experiences that Lee Kyle and Andy had been able to enjoy while I was home trying to keep all the shit together. I got in a small back and forth with Lee Kyle concerning Andy’s dogs and I think that was the last straw. Before I knew it I was in the nursery crying and feeling like complete shit. Misty came up and I emotionally unloaded on her explaining how I felt unappreciated and all I had wanted was a simple “thank you” from Lee Kyle but I hadn’t received one. Being the dear friend, and eternal optimist that she is, she calmed my mind enough for me to stop crying. After everyone else left, I sat on the couch drinking wine with Cody and feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes that’s the only thing left to do.
Cathy is planning on moving from New York to New Orleans permanently. She and I spoke about her potentially moving in with us, in the form of taking Andy’s apartment over. While it is still just an idea at this point, I would readily welcome her back anytime as she has been so wonderful with Wilder. On Wednesday morning I called Lee Kyle to speak with him about the potential of Cathy coming to live with us, since she is his dear friend. It also gave me a chance to talk with him about other things, including our family schedule and the dogs. He was completely supportive of Cathy staying with us and we had a really nice conversation about all the other thing that had been weighing on my mind. I have to remember that even when it isn’t the most comfortable thing to do, it is important for all of us to talk with each other to avoid hard feelings and miscommunications.
This past Wednesday night Sarah came over to hang out with Wilder and I, which gave me the opportunity to go through his clothes. He is growing so quickly that I had a few stacks of clothing to pass on to Gabby, who showed up later that night. I am eternally grateful for all the clothing hand-me-downs and gifts we received. I am just starting to need to buy things for Wilder and he is nearly 4 months old. I had a nice full house on Thursday night which consisted of myself, Lee Kyle, Cathy, Gabby and Cody (he didn’t stay the night but everyone else did.) Apparently Lee Kyle had started watching Game of Thrones while on vacation and he was completely obsessed. Much like I was while pregnant. He was watching an episode on the couch and we all gathered around to join him. Earlier that night I had decided to try the Target brand of formula, which is supposed to be completely comparable to Enfamil Prosobee (Wilder’s normal brand). The Target brand cost less and I should have known better. Thankfully I had only given him two ounces, which he later vomited up all over me. I was about to shower to clean the baby puke off my body when I decided I needed to tell Gabby something. I attempted to walk down the stairs at a brisk pace and literally fell on my ass. Sadly I had been holding onto the railing at an unfortunate angle and hurt my shoulder more than my ass. Everyone heard me fall and they jumped up to check on me. My IPhone had been in my back pocket and had literally broken my fall. P.S. Otter box cases really do work, because if mine had not been in one, I guarantee my ass would have busted that phone.
The next day at work I was pretty sore. Thankfully Amanda came into the office for a few hours and it was good to see her. I talked with her about some of the issues I had been experiencing, focusing a lot on my feelings of envy. She has known me for a very long time and is by far one of my closest friends and my favorite person to travel with because we always have such a great time together. We share a love for adventure, writing and silliness. It felt very good to discuss my insecurities with her as she validated my feelings and offered worthwhile, thoughtful suggestions. When I returned home that night I was in a much better mood.
Daphne stayed over on Thursday night, which was really awesome. She showed up with fried chicken, which is something that I might eat once a year (if that). She, Cathy and I drank wine and ate dinner together. Gabby showed up a little bit later as she had asked to stay an extra night at my house because the roads were icy. The four of us had a pleasant evening laughing and talking. Daphne stayed in the nursery with Wilder and she held him most of the night, not because she needed to, but because she was enamored with him. It felt warm and welcoming having had a full house of guests those two nights and I enjoyed all the time I was able to spend with my lady friends. I think this week alone I went through a half-case of red wine.
On Friday when I got home from work I noticed that Wilder’s penis looked more red than normal when I changed his diaper. This prompted me to get very worried and start texting other moms. I made the stupid mistake of googling the issue and I was simultaneously terrified and put on the child-porn watch list, I’m sure. I sent a picture to Andy, who forwarded it to Dawn who assured me it was diaper rash. Another good mom friend of mine, Meghann, texted me back and said the same thing. I tried not to get too worried and I put some diaper rash cream on the area. It looked better within a few hours. Cathy was the only house guest that night and while I did miss my other friends it was refreshing to have some quiet time.
Andy arrived home on Saturday! Before he arrived I was able to get Wilder into his Stokke carrier and clean up his apartment a bit since the dogs had done a number on it with muddy paws. He got home in the early afternoon and we were all happy to see him. Andy actually shed a tear of joy seeing us. I was grateful to have him back home, and I promptly handed him Wilder and took a nice nap. Lee Kyle came over that night and watched Wilder so that I could attend Andy’s show at Siberia. We had so much fun that night at the show. Ellen, Joel, Daphne and Cody all joined us to watch the bands. My Graveyard Jaw was great but so were the other bands that played. I got to see many of my friends that I haven’t shared a drink with since before my pregnancy. I drank too much, flirted too much and ended the night having amazing sex with Andy. I’d say it was a good time.
I slept in until nearly noon on Sunday, which is the latest in over a year. I then leisurely spent the day eating pizza and hanging out with Andy and Wilder. It was a great day for my hang-over, and I was happy not to have to go anywhere. Wilder and I watched Dumbo together, and I was shocked at how mesmerized he was. Watching movies, eating pizza, being hungover and snuggling with my boys made me feel somewhat like my old self again.