Right foot forward.
January 5th 2014
Wilder is ten weeks old.
It’s hard to believe that 2013 has come to an end. It was such a dynamic year for me, with many extreme life changes. My father passed away in January, I began trying to conceive in February, I found out I was pregnant in March, I bought my first house in June and began co-habitating with Andy, I bought my first new car in August and I delivered my first (and only) son in October. The year was a complete fucking whirlwind with a myriad of emotions. As grateful as I am for all the positive things that happened, I have been looking forward to the fresh start of a new year. I feel that in 2013 a good portion of my energy was spent acquiring things in an effort to make myself happy and to prepare for the arrival of Wilder. Now I really want to focus more on my writing and my family. These are two of the things that make me happiest in life.
As December drew to an end I found myself still needing to file for my homestead exemption. I had been putting it off for quite some time because it involved a trip to the DMV to update my address. I decided to go ahead and get it done, no matter how frustrating hitting up the DMV and City Hall in the same day would be. I surprised myself and got up at the crack of dawn this past Monday and braved the cold weather to be the second in line when the DMV opened. I waited in line outside longer than I did once the doors were finally unlocked. I was in and out with so little bullshit that I could hardly believe my luck. I thought for sure the Assessor’s Office at City Hall would prove to be completely miserable. I was once again pleasantly surprised at how effortlessly I was able to be seen and file for my exemption. I was done with both places by 9:30 a.m.! I felt the need to buy a lottery ticket because that is some fucking luck, but I accidently forgot to.
I saw Dr. Williams for a brief check-up on Monday afternoon. We discussed my health and she asked if I was feeling better. I explained to her that I have been feeling much less anxious since I started taking the Celexa. The goal is for me to be off of this medicine within the next six months. I am apt to make this transition, as before this recent depression I had not taken any prescription medicine on a regular basis for several years. I know there is no shame in taking medicine when you need to, but part of me would like to spend as much of my life as un-medicated as possible (not including the very seldom use of recreational drugs). Our visit was a nice one and she was delighted that I had included her in our Christmas card list. Our card was the only one she admitted to placing on her refrigerator at home.
I worked a half-day on New Year’s Eve and found myself feeling a bit melancholy. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why I was having an emotional day, but then the culprit was revealed later when I started my period. This was my first post-partum period and while I was afraid it was going to be some hideously bloody affair, it was no different than my periods before I delivered Wilder. I would assume this lack of change may have something to do with the fact that I ended up having a C-section and not a vaginal delivery. Nevertheless, I was pleased as some of the women’s literature had me thinking that my period after childbirth could be a traumatic experience. So far, everything is good down there. Not like it’s seeing much action though. Between the lack of sleep, my full-time work schedule and the constant presence of an infant, there is little time for sex. I’m really hopeful that this changes soon. Woman was not meant to live on porn alone. I know it’s a good deal my fault. While my libido is definitely present, I don’t always capitalize on the little time that Andy and I have alone together. And as far as lovers go, well, sadly they all disappeared when my son arrived. I guess I haven’t quite reached MILF status yet. Needless to say when Dr. Williams tried to discuss birth control with me I told her don’t waste your breath. I can’t possibly impregnate myself (not without some love juice at least).
After work on New Year’s Eve I headed to Lee Kyle’s studio so that we could take a few pictures of him and Wilder together. He dressed as Father Time and we dressed Wilder as Baby New Year. Wilder is incredibly patient with our excessive use of him as a photo prop. The pictures came out adorable and it put me in a better mood. Andy worked that night and it was the first year in I’m not even sure how long that I wasn’t there to kiss him at midnight. Instead I spent the evening watching That’s Entertainment with Lee Kyle and Clint. Right as midnight was approaching, we woke Lee Kyle from his gentle slumber on the couch and put the television on the countdown. I had the three of us stand up and balance on our left foot. As the countdown reached one and the clock struck midnight, we all stepped forward to start the year off on the right foot. This New Year’s Eve celebration was much more mellow than my past escapades, but I was grateful to be spending it in good company with our adorable son.
New Year’s Day was fun for Andy and I. We slept in (napping between Wilder’s awake time) and had pancakes for breakfast. Then we gave Wilder his first bath of the year, complete with baby smiles and giggles. Lee Kyle came over in the afternoon and he took Wilder to a friend’s family party while Andy and I enjoyed a date to the movies. We saw American Hustle, which was extremely entertaining. Afterwards we grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading home to meet up with Lee Kyle. The three of us sat down and spent a little time looking at the calendar, planning for both Lee’s trip to Portland at the end of the month, and Andy’s tour with Michael James. Although I know it is going to be quite stressful at times when both boys are out of town, I am glad that they will have a chance to continue doing things that bring them happiness. Andy is so excited about playing bass on tour with Michael James, and I can’t help but think that part of his excitement comes from knowing he’ll get some decent sleep on the road. Funny that a music tour will probably provide more rest than home life with a newborn.
The second of January made one full year since I had “the talk” with Lee Kyle and asked him if he would consider being the father of my baby. We had gone to brunch at Cake Café and after a thorough discussion we decided that we would have dinner with Andy and Clint to discuss our desire to procreate. That dinner party is the subject of my first entry in this blog. Once again, I am amazed at how quickly this past year has gone by. So hard to believe when holding our sweet son, that he was simply a somewhat crazy idea just a year ago. Thank god Lee Kyle said yes.
I have been diligently attempting to eat better. I’ve cut out the processed foods and switched back to a predominantly vegan diet. I feel better and am happy with my choices. The only slight drawback is that I have introduced coffee back into my diet after over a year of not drinking it. While I generally only have one cup a day, I do still find myself craving it in the morning. I try to use the caffeine boost to get me motivated at work, but generally I find myself just browsing Facebook and Buzzfeed at a faster pace. I am trying to give my work ethic the same makeover that I’ve giving my diet. I need to cut out the time wasters. If I’m not going to be doing actual work, then I should be “working” on my writing, instead of reading top ten lists of stupid bullshit. Social media is often fodder for the apathetic. I need to put the brakes on my bad habits.
This past Friday Lee Kyle and Jennifer Jane performed together at Big Dick’s House of Big Boobs. I was unable to attend because Andy was working and I was on mayor duty, but I heard their performance (as well as many others) was really great. I wish I could have gone, and perhaps even performed as I am sure the peer acceptance there of all body sizes would help me to get past the post-baby body-blues that I sometimes find myself feeling. Instead I spent my evening sterilizing new bottles for Wilder. There is some relief in knowing that at least some things don’t change. I’m still holding a bottle on Friday night.
On Saturday I had the immense pleasure of visiting with a dear friend of mine, Laura Izzo. I hadn’t seen her since 2006, so it was a very special occasion that she made an appearance in New Orleans. I met her at Molly’s in the afternoon and it was nothing short of exquisite to sit in a bar, drink a good whisky and chat with someone whom I love so much. Our visit was brief but filled me with happiness and left me reminiscing with Andy that evening about “the good old days.” Yes, I think I’ve actually finally become an adult. Not because I now own a house and have a child, but because I can say that “things used to be better back then…” I asked Andy if times were more fun in the past because we were younger or because the scene in the city has changed so much. He held out his iPhone and explained to me that it was the main reason that things aren’t as fun anymore. He had a good theory, relating that now everyone is always busy looking at their phone or uploading shit to the internet, and less people are living in the minute. Also, he further explained that people are a lot less likely to do some of the crazy shit that we used to do because someone will take a photo or make a video or post about it. Nothing is private anymore. We don’t communicate like we used to. I had to agree. I remember when Izzo worked the back bar at the Shim Sham and I used to get crazy drunk and dance and sometimes take off my clothes or go out on the balcony and do a little coke. I didn’t give a fuck about a cell phone back then. I wasn’t worried about describing my fun in 140 characters or less. I was too busy making out with someone I might never see again. My mouth was the original social network. Just ask around.
We finished the week with a fussy mayor. I’m not sure why some days he feels the need to be more whiny than others but we roll with it. Sunday was spent cuddling and trying to soothe our savage little beast. Andy and I watched some football and when he stepped out to go the bar, Lee Kyle and I visited with Wilder. Even when Wilder is wearing his fussy pants, he’s still aces in my book. I have to say that the first few days of the new year proved to be very fulfilling. I have high hopes for 2014. I am looking forward to new adventures with my family and hopefully a few solo ones as well.