June 26th 2013
18 weeks pregnant
The countdown to closing on the house has officially begun. Although it is quite exciting, it has also become a second job responding to the rather constant requests of the bankers. I was prepared for the inconvenience of needing to provide them with a plethora of paperwork, but I must admit that I have found it very annoying when they ask me for things that I know I have already submitted. I am immensely grateful at times like these that I am a very organized individual, which will also be a boon in the impending move. I have become more and more uptight about the physical acts of packing and moving. I have been feeling very overwhelmed at the prospect of all that needs to be accomplished, and the fact that I am no longer physically able to do a lot of the work on my own. I think this has been one of the most challenging aspects of pregnancy for me, relinquishing control of my body to the needs of the baby. I know that I actually have the physical strength to lift things and the overwhelming desire to scrub every surface down with bleach in the new house. But I also recognize that these actions are not worth the health of my unborn child, so alas I ask others for help, which is something that I have never been very good at doing. Thankfully I have a wonderful support system that continues to be emotionally and physically supportive.
Jackie’s little brother Matt visited over the past week. He had come to town for her birthday on his way to New York where he is meeting with an agent about his book. He is on the cusp of publishing a collection of his short stories. He is truly an amazing writer, and definitely one of my favorite contemporary short story authors (and I’m not saying this because he is my best friend’s bro). His stories all revolve around his dysfunctional family, so they are easy for me to relate to. Although labeled as “fiction,” I know there is a lot of truth to be found in his writing. Andy and I took Matt out to dinner so we could catch up. It was really wonderful to sit down and talk with him about work, family and current controversies. Matt and Andy get along really well and I love to watch them talk/argue about shit. I have a fondness for Matt that is partly incestuous, due to my closeness to his family. Of all my dear friends, Jackie is the one whom I always say reminds me most of family because although we sometimes drive each other crazy, we both know that we will always have one another’s backs. I used to tell Jackie all the time that I was going to try to sleep with Matt, mostly because she would get completely grossed out, but also because he actually is really good looking. Honestly though, I think of Matt as family too, and I’m super proud of him, just like his sister. He’s been published in Paris Review, Electric Literature and Esquire, just to name a few. I often wonder how it is that one family contains so much talent. Maybe the sibling rivalry between he and Jackie has helped to fuel both of their successes.
I saw Misty for my first pre-natal massage, which was really fantastic. I wasn’t sure what to expect because I’m typically a “rub-me-till-it-hurts” type of girl, but it was pleasantly surprising. I actually fell asleep toward the end, which has never happened in a single massage in my lifetime. While it was awesome to be so relaxed, getting up off the table was a bit challenging. I literally felt like I had taken some type of drug. I thought perhaps Misty had rubbed me down with dilaudid. I was groggy and apparently noticeably affected because Misty was worried about me driving home. I’m not sure if the reaction was because I am pregnant or just because she is that damn good. I’ll definitely be giving it another go round.
I’ve been really hungry lately. Like “Hungry Hungry Hippo” hungry. If I forget to eat, I quickly find myself becoming “hangry” (hungry and angry). This is a new personality trait. I’ve never understood people who are hypoglycemic or just become extremely irritable when hungry, until now. Sometimes I remind myself of those Snickers commercials that proclaim “You just aren’t yourself when you are hungry.” Because I don’t want to further my reputation as the bitchy co-worker, I try not to forget to eat and sometimes I leave work for lunch just to get away from my desk. Last Friday I went to IHOP for lunch because I had developed quite a hankering for pancakes. It seems I’m finally getting more cravings other than just candy. I was eating alone because I needed some “me” time to remind myself that punching my co-workers would only result in me probably losing my job and a potential lawsuit. While dining on delicious pancakes, I noticed a woman eating lunch with her child at a nearby table. She was a bit older than me, and her son looked to be a pre-teen with some form of developmental disorder. I immediately felt empathy for this woman and her child. I would assume that it is probably most mother’s number one wish that their child be healthy and happy. I cannot imagine the emotional and financial ramifications of having a child with any type of major health issue. I found myself crying into my maple syrup and having the realization that I need to be more appreciative for all the love, support and opportunities that I have. Sometimes I get so caught up in all my personal shit – my distaste for my job, frustrations over buying a house, worry over finances – that I forget to be grateful for all the things that I do have, and for all the people who love me. My goal is to stop taking these things for granted.
The weekend proved to be the most productive that I’ve had in months. I was able to do the entire amount of yard work (cut the grass, rake and weed the yard) followed by all the housework (laundry, floors, bathroom and kitchen) by myself in one day. I don’t know what got into me. I was listening to Illmatic by Nas, so I’ll have to remember that one for the delivery room. Regardless, I was ecstatic to be able to accomplish so much. I love having a clean house; it helps me to relax. On Sunday, I woke up feeling sore from all my hard work, but otherwise in a good mood. I went to see a play with Andy and Amanda and then met with my book club. It was a fun weekend, but it didn’t include much down time. Nevertheless, I am really thankful to be feeling more and more “normal” and able to do things that a few weeks ago wouldn’t have been an option.
We had our monthly appointment with the midwives today and everything went really well. All of the expensive optional tests that I elected to take came back fine. That was a complete relief! We also have our 20 week ultrasound scheduled in a few weeks, where we will find out the sex of the baby. I am so excited to know whether we will be having a boy or a girl. I don’t know how some people have the fortitude to wait to find out at the birth. We met with Cathy this time, which was awesome because Andy had yet to meet her. Esther is so sweet and mild-mannered, while Cathy is a bit more crass. I absolutely love her sense of humor. She immediately made a comment to Andy about the tattoo of his ex-wife’s name on the back of his neck, which made her even more endearing to us. It is wonderful to feel so comfortable and supported by the people who will be delivering our baby. I am so glad we chose to go with the midwives. Hopefully her sense of humor will come in handy in the delivery room.