Libations for my friends.
June 19th 2013
17 weeks pregnant
Something that I find particularly interesting about being pregnant is how people assume that just because you are with child, you love all children. I don’t fall into this (assumed) category. My love, just like my distaste, has bounds. In fact, when I told my mother’s siblings about my pregnancy, they were all shocked, stating, “I always thought you hated kids.” I never really thought I made that distinct of an impression. Actually, while I do enjoy children for the most part and there are a few that I absolutely adore, I find some to be complete assholes. I’m not saying that all the children I dislike are actually the horrible, sticky-palmed, whiny brats that I perceive them to be. I can tell that most are loved, so they must have some redeeming factors beyond pure responsibility of the parent. Maybe I have only seen their bad sides, like catching me at 3:30 am pre-pregnancy. Needless to say, although it is rare, every once in a while I am in an environment with a child that is so ill-behaved that I want to get the hell away as soon as possible. Also, now that I am pregnant, I have a fear that one day my child will be that awful and I’ll be the parent everyone wants to flee from. Lee Kyle and I have discussed this possibility many times and we both feel that manners are of the utmost importance.
I attended Dori’s baby shower last week and it was an eye-opening experience. I guess because I’ve never been pregnant nor have I been around a lot of babies in my adult years, I didn’t realize all the shit that is needed for a baby. Obviously they need a place to sleep, but there are rockers, swings, jumpers, activity centers, chairs, pack-n-plays, air purifiers, bath tubs, thermometers, booger removers, breast pumps, diapers, things to put stinky diapers in, strollers, carriers, slings, backpacks, diaper bags, clothes, toys, books…etc. I can completely understand why people make registries for their babies. I know I will be making one. Dori is one of my closest friends; in fact we generally celebrate our birthdays together since they are a day apart. It’s really awesome that we have been pregnant during the same time, although she is due in late July (near our birthdays). We have different plans for childbirth but pretty much agree on most aspects of child-rearing. I think she will be an excellent mother. She has a huge, fantastic, crazy family, which is probably one of the reasons why we get each other so well. Generally when I have to attend all-women gatherings, I feel a bit uncomfortable, especially if children are involved. But being around her family is a different experience; they are completely down to earth and pretty hilarious. No judgment and no pretension. It’s hard to imagine that in a mere month, she may have already delivered her baby boy.
We have had a few minor setbacks with the house this past week. My original plan was to borrow around 20 grand of additional funds in the form of a 203K loan which can only be used for certain upgrades/improvements on the house. We had a general contractor come out and go over our wish list of eligible desires. He worked up a quote which was reasonable, but unfortunately when we turned it over to the bank it became apparent that he does not have the proper required insurance to do the work. While the 203K loan is pretty awesome in theory it is proving to be very difficult in execution. After the insurance debacle, we also discussed the appraisal with Adrienne, our realtor. She explained that the house has to appraise for not just the selling price but also the addition of the total of the 203K loan. She, my banker and I all had legitimate fears that adding 20K to the purchase price may force the house out of a needed appraised value. We decided to cut back on a lot of the improvements, and just go with the installation of central AC/heat. Although I was somewhat bummed to have to make reductions, I understood that it was better to play it safe. This whole rigmarole pushed the closing date back to the 28th. Right now, it is fingers crossed that we close then.
Work has gotten a bit more interesting with the abrupt departure of a co-worker. She had been the only person on the project there since its inception, and she clearly had enough of it, because last Friday she walked in and announced it was her last day. Kudos to her, I suppose. Although in this present economy, I question the decision to leave a job so near the end of the project. I decided to use some Southwest credits I had from last year to purchase a plane ticket to Dallas a few days after the project ends. One of my oldest and dearest friends, Jason, and his wife live there. I’m really looking forward to a few days of R&R while eating great food and watching them get drunk. Almost like old times, but not quite.
Lee Kyle came over this past Thursday after he divulged that he had been feeling a bit insecure about our relationship. We decided that weekly meetings would be an awesome way to catch up with one another and get to know each other more intimately. His insecurities were quickly quelled when I explained that neither Andy nor I had been intentionally avoiding him, but that our schedules had literally exploded with obligations in the past month. Feeling better has certainly caused me to try to catch up socially with friends, and it isn’t uncommon for me to overextend myself. He addressed that a lot of his current misgivings were because he was spending too much time overthinking possible future situations concerning the baby. Andy had visited with him on Wednesday where he explained that he was concerned about whether or not we would be imposing or limiting gender role development of the baby. When Andy told me, I immediately empathized with Lee Kyle, but quickly explained that I was not at all worried about the development of gender identity, because I am too concerned with worrying about how to keep a newborn alive and healthy. Nevertheless, I am very happy that Lee Kyle suggested we start getting together more often. It was a lovely time having him over and he made me realize (in a completely non-judgmental way) that I needed to work a bit harder at making sure both he and Andy felt like they had a voice in discussing matters pertaining to the baby…specifically the name. Ah, yes, naming the baby. It’s going to be a challenge, folks. I suggested we table the issue until we know the sex. Then we can let the real arguing begin.
This past Saturday was one of my closest friend’s birthday parties, which I along with a team helped to plan. Jackie Sumell turned 40 years old and we wanted to give her the birthday of a lifetime. The theme was “Jackie Stardust & the Sparkle Shits” and it turned out to be the best type of shit-show. It was my idea to serve boozy sno-balls, which were a hit, though I hadn’t considered all the work that would go into this idea. Misty and I spent nearly all day Saturday preparing for the party and then Andy was ordained king of the sno-ball machine for the entire time we were at her house. Thank god he is such an awesomely patient man. The party was a success. It involved tacos and booze at her house followed by a parade through the 7th Ward to several bars in the Marigny. Everyone had a blast, including Jackie who said it far surpassed her expectations and dreams. I unfortunately felt a bit exhausted, having spent the whole day in the sun, on top of also being hormonally-challenged. At one point I actually began crying for no reason whatsoever. Good times!
When we arrived at our first stop on the bar crawl, Lee Kyle surprised Jackie with a strip tease in drag. It was absolutely fabulous and everyone just adored the surprise. Jackie was speechless (which doesn’t happen very often). I was glad to be able to help provide her with such an excellent celebration, as she completely deserves that and more. I ran into one of my ex-lovers at the bar (of course), whom I hadn’t seen in over a year. He was really happy to see me, as I was him. He apologized for his standoffish-ness, which honestly I hadn’t really picked up on. He mentioned a few of the crazier sexual things we used to do (I can’t in good taste list them here, sorry) and I couldn’t help but wonder if those days are now completely behind me. I really hope not.
Sunday was Father’s Day and my exhaustion from the night before left me feeling more physically and emotionally vulnerable than I would have liked. I felt as though I was coming down with a sore throat/summer cold. I posted on FB that I needed pregnancy-friendly suggestions and received some really useful advice. I spent the day on the couch feeling melancholy and ill. This was the first Father’s Day that had come to pass since my father’s death in January. While I typically don’t spend a lot of time crying over my father (because I know he wouldn’t want that), certain dates and holidays are hard. I’m sure this is the case for many people, for various reasons. My father was an extraordinary man; anyone who had met him would tell you this. I am often saddened that our child will only get to know him through our stories and his writing. As many mistakes as both my parents made throughout my lifetime, I am forever grateful for the love and support they both showed me, albeit in different ways.