June 5th 2013
15 weeks pregnant.
I am generally not a procrastinator. That being said, there are a few things that I have been known to put off for longer than I reasonably should. One of these things is unfortunately car maintenance. I don’t know if I put it off because I know how much money it is going to cost me and somehow I feel like maybe it will sort itself out, or because I don’t like dealing with circumstances where I feel abjectly ignorant. I recently felt the wrath of my hesitation when my brake pads and rotors had to be replaced a few weeks ago. If I hadn’t waited so long, perhaps I could have saved a significant amount of money by not needing new rotors. You’d think that I would have learned my lesson, and when my car began giving me problems starting, that I would have immediately brought it to a mechanic. But I didn’t. I told Andy about it after the first day it gave me issues and he nonchalantly went to the car and started it right away. I thought maybe it was a fluke, but I was wrong. I finally relented and brought it in this past week after a morning where it took me over 12 tries to start the engine. I figured the starter must be going out. How expensive could that be? Unfortunately it was not the starter, it was the battery. But it wasn’t as easy as replacing the battery, sadly. The battery had actually exploded, leaking corrosive goo all over the cables, drive belt and transmission control module. The cost for the parts and labor to fix this problem: $1400.00! Yes, fucking $1400.00. Needless to say, I was mad at myself, mad at Andy and pretty much mad at the world-at-large. I had to get it fixed because I depend on my vehicle every day for my livelihood. So we paid the man even though we are trying to save money for closing costs, and um, the baby.
That’s how the week began, which was pretty shitty. In good news, I had another regular visit with the midwives and everything is going well. Esther saw us this time and revealed that the baby is sitting high in my uterus. I think the rumor is that this means the baby is a female. We won’t find out the sex for a few more weeks, but I am already anxious to know. The visit couldn’t have come at a better time. I had a nightmare the night before my appointment that the baby was delivered dead. I know these types of dreams are not uncommon for pregnant ladies, but nevertheless, it certainly freaked me the fuck out. Esther said that within the next few weeks I should begin to feel the baby move. I am really looking forward to that.
Something rather interesting occurred this week. Clint, Lee Kyle’s partner, came to visit me. This was the first time he had spoken to me since he and Lee Kyle came over together right after I found out I was pregnant. As I mentioned in my first post, Clint was not very excited about the idea of Lee Kyle and I having a child. He continues to have a lot of reservations. Our visit wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was also obvious to both of us that we don’t have a real relationship. He apologized for what he called his standoffish-ness, and his lack of enthusiasm about the baby. He wanted me to know that although he is struggling with our decision, he doesn’t have any negative feelings toward me. I think it took a lot of class and courage to come over and address these things with me alone, one on one. I explained to him that as much as I would love for him to share in the excitement of the baby, I understand it is not my place to attempt to manipulate or control his feelings. I went on to say that I regard him as part of the baby’s family but that his involvement with the child will be completely up to him. I am of course hopeful that he will be able to come to terms with Lee Kyle’s decision and role, because if he can’t I worry about their relationship. But the truth is I cannot control how Clint or anyone else feels, all I can do is try to be empathetic to his situation. I really like Clint. I have a strong sense that once the baby is here, things will work themselves out.
In other news, my libido has finally returned. Holy crap, what a relief (in many ways)! I am actually starting to feel more like myself every single day. They say the second trimester is the honeymoon period, and I believe it. I bought a huge pack of AA batteries at Wal-Mart. I’m going to enjoy the hell out of these next few months. I went to see the Running with Scissors performance of “Re-designing Women” with Andy and Amanda. It felt so good to actually be able to enjoy an evening out without feeling either sick or tired. Luckily I only had to pee three times during our time at the theater. That might be a record.
Things are also progressing nicely with the house. We are hoping to close on June 21st. Wouldn’t that be wonderful/crazy? I received the first packet of loan paperwork that I had to review and sign. Just a measly 51 pages. Thank god my office comes equipped with a copier, printer and scanner. I didn’t read everything as thoroughly as I should have because I was trying not to waste too much “work” time. Then my co-worker scared me by explaining that she hadn’t thoroughly read the paperwork when she purchased her car and it turned out that she was actually just leasing it, when she was sure she was buying it. Needless to say, I took that packet of documents home and read every line that evening. Sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry.